Tuesday February 12th 2002

Some people assume the reason Fosca have no bass player or drummer is entirely down to our anti-rockist aesthetic, but that’s not entirely true. One reason I didn’t want a bass player was because I find bass guitars to be extremely ugly instruments. Those thick, thick metal strings… I’ve never liked the look of them. They give me the screaming ab-dabs. Plus bass guitars require unwieldy, huge bass amps to play through, which I’ve always found baffling and unnecessary. They take up so much room and refuse to go on public buses. Who the hell do bass amps think they are?

As for real drums, I do actually like the look of drum kits onstage. A spider-like silver machine at the back, all metallic angles and circles and levers and arms and nuts and bolts. It’s like a Victorian invention of unfathomable purpose, from a HG Wells story or a Heath Robinson illustration. No, my aversion to real drums is partly that carting the things around is even harder than for bass amps, but mostly because of the drum soundcheck. An eon to unpack and construct the thing, then another eon to check each part of the kit.

This is what a drum soundcheck sounds like:

Engineer: Can we hear the bass drum, please?

“DUHMF.”

“DUHMF.”

(minutes later)

“DUHMF.”

(even more minutes later)

“DUHMF”

(even yet still more minutes later)

“DUHMF.”

Engineer: Okay. Well it’ll sound better when the room’s got people in it. Snare?

“CHAKK.”

“CHAKK.”

….and so on. It’s excruciating. When Fosca played in Stockholm the other month, all the bands on the bill were drummer-free. Bliss!

The only reason I can forgive bands having drummers is if the drummer in question is aesthetically pleasing too. Last night Fosca played on the same bill as Stephen Nancy, whose drummer has incredible muscles. Like the line by DH Lawrence, his arms entirely fill his sleeves. Sharing a soundcheck with him could almost be described as a sensuous experience.

It’s the same with U2. Surely most people would rather look at the Dorian Gray-like drummer than at Nosey, Baldy or Speccy? His drum riser is more than a plinth. It’s a shrine.