From the Holy Moly gossip newsletter, which I really shouldn’t read, but occasionally do:
Producers of ‘The South Bank Show’ ran into a bit of trouble when making a programme about Morrissey. There was no shortage of people willing to take part and express their (almost exclusively positive) opinions on the singer and his career. Unfortunately, he stipulated that there be no opinions from music journalists to be aired on the show… The only people allowed to be interviewed on his glittering career would be the Arctic Monkeys and a very good-looking young male Latino gang from LA.
If this is true, I heartily agree with Mr M. I don’t care for the music of the Arctic Monkeys, but would rather listen to their televised opinions than those of any hack who’s never made a record themselves. People who mainly make music have far more to say about it (if you must say anything) than those who mainly write about it. Or at least, they don’t tend to miss the point. Or at least, they’re somehow more permissable on television.
Music journalists who go on television are one of the categories in Mr Dante’s circles of Hell. I’d have them all banned from going the wrong side of a camera. There are one or two exceptions with genuinely interesting and original things to say, such as Paul Morley, but that’s the price one must pay.
Other TV types who set my teeth on edge:
– Record producers and musicians filmed in front of mixing desks.
– Writers, literary experts and journalists filmed in front of bookcases.
– People who use the phrase ‘Don’t get me wrong.” Unless they are Alison Steadman in Abigail’s Party. Or The Pretenders.
Besides, too much has been said about Morrissey anyway. One really wants to hear more from the man himself. There must be no more books on Morrissey or The Smiths. Unless they’re by women. I’ve said this before, but it does seem to be the case that though Morrissey has a 50/50 gender divide with his fans, it’s nearly always men who write about him. Women are more likely to go to every concert and buy every record. They keep their fan love direct and private. Men have to put it into writing. Men make lists. ‘Top 50 Best Smiths Songs’. Who on earth cares? Men, mainly. Which I find more interesting than the lists themselves.
From now on, only women should be allowed to write about Morrissey. Oh, and me. And Mark Simpson. And Morrissey. That’s it.
Trendy male comedians and male novelists must now keep silent about being Smiths fans. For their own sake, and ours. We’ll take that particular detail as read, thank you. Are there any trendy male comedians and novelists who DON’T like Morrissey?
I was talking about bands who take their names from novels, but it happens the other way too: books helping themselves to names and lyrics from bands they like.
Douglas Coupland naming a novel Girlfriend In A Coma after the Morrissey song made me wince, as does any author who quotes Talking Heads or even the Magnetic Fields. I love those bands, but authors quoting pop lyrics sets my teeth on edge. I don’t know why, but it does. Poetry, sure, but not pop lyrics.
Yet shoving one’s favourite music into a movie works fine, and many soundtracks these days may as well be compilation CDs made by the director. Everyone’s a DJ.
