A common source of sporadic income for the penurious wastrel is being interviewed for market research. Many of my friends have earned easy sums of cash this way, pocketing anything upwards of £30 for an hour’s slight inconvenience. All they have to do is go along to these little sessions and help some company improve their product by answering a few questions.
I would like to describe what exactly these events are like, but to date I have completely failed to even qualify past an initial selection process. This is my fifth attempt. I wonder if I can be officially designated as Not Normal Enough.
Their message to me:
“Thank you very much for your time and interest in taking part in our mobile phone research. Unfortunately I am contacting you to let you know that we won’t be able to use you on this occasion – I am sorry, but the client’s requirements were most specific and there was simply a mis-match between your answers and the profile they needed for the research.”
‘Simply a mis-match’. Another phrase for the gravestone.
I suppose I should feel pleased that I fail to fit in with their world of ticked boxes and firmly delineated socio-economic groups. But I’d rather lie that I’m a Target Market and have the money, than be honest and poor. Pity I’m such a bad liar. Or a bad actor.
Thing is, I wonder if it’s occurred to these firms that most people who apply for market research are not going to be a ‘target market’ de facto. They are absolutely desperate for money, and live hand to strawberry-lipsalved mouth. The people they do want to interview are too busy having their careers and 2.4 iPods to take any time out for research. I suspect that an awful lot of game playing goes on at these sessions, as the poverty-stricken interviewee pretends he earns £40,000 and is looking for the right type of mobile phone that protects and deodorises 24 hours a day, for the busy executive on the go. Because he’s worth it.
Then again, it probably wasn’t helpful that I asked the research people why they didn’t have a tick-box under ‘Gender’ for ‘Don’t Know’.
