I had a feeling it would happen. Having re-plastered the ceiling with nice new brown plaster and cleaned up the surfaces affected, my more DIY-minded neighbours Mr K and Ms L in cahoots with my utter saint of a landlady have offered to do the following. They will repaint and re-paper my room, clean the mould and mildew from my window frames, replace my bed and fridge and maybe more besides. If it’s okay with me.

It’s that Tom Sawyer bit again. Some people would love to have their homes improved free of charge. I, on the other hand, prefer to go through life with as little fuss as possible. Plus I don’t like to put other people to any trouble. Plus (and this is the main reason, obviously), I know it means I’ll have to bite my lip and… tidy up. And my place is in dire need of not just tidying up, but a full-on clearance of thirteen years’ worth of clutter and unsorted paperwork, along with more than a few dust-gathering possessions, unused for years. In some cases, unused since I moved here.

Liz: I couldn’t live in a place where a portion of the ceiling was brown while the rest was white, left unpapered like that. I’d couldn’t bear to look up.

Me: Well… I don’t look up that much.

But this time I’ve relented. Because the alternative was hardly making me happy. And though I don’t mind being compared to Quentin Crisp in some respects, the bit about not cleaning your home EVER isn’t so attractive. Not anymore. And especially not when other people are happy to do it for you. I can live with being like A Slightly Cleaner Quentin Crisp, if I must.

They’re going to do the improvements in ten days’ time. To make things easier for all, I’m going to stay somewhere else for the four days they’re at work here. Maybe with my parents, maybe with friends.

Between now and then, I need to seriously prune my things down to the manageable essentials, so they can be easily gathered under dust sheets while they paint the walls.

I know I’ve spoken about my battles with the ‘life laundry’ process and my need for clutter clearance before, but this time I really, really am doing it for good. Thirteen years of living alone, thirteen years of unfinished things. And the evidence is eating away at me.

A recent repeated dialogue I’ve had with various friends:

Me: Do you want that book back, the one you lent me a decade ago?

Kind Friend: Sure, if you’ve finished with it. Just bring it along when we next see each other.

Me: No, I have to post it to you now. Is that okay? Have I got your current address?

KF: Are you sure? It’s more than likely we’ll meet up soon. Just bring it along then…

Me: No look, you don’t understand! I can’t stand the burden of additional uncertainty. I can only remember to do so much, and my life is currently one big To Do list as it is. It’s post it, or dispose of it. If I don’t get rid of it NOW, I will be physically sick.

KF: Jesus, all right…!

My friends do understand these little bouts of madness. Eventually.

I’m even getting rid of my TV, VCR, Freeview box, and Hi-Fi with its turntable and speakers. I just don’t use them anymore. I use this laptop for playing CDs, DVDs, downloading video files of everything that’s half-decent on TV, and listening to the radio. I haven’t played audio cassettes or watched VHS tapes regularly for years. And I don’t watch TV on the TV.

I suspect I could make a bit of pocket money if I properly sold these things. But I just don’t have the time or interest. Everything I am not using has to go before Thurs Oct 4th. It’s all rather exciting, actually.

In the case of the portable TV and Hi-Fi, these are things I’ve had since my teens. They’re over twenty years old. Purging them could only do me good mentally.

It’d be nice if I can find anyone willing to part with a little cash for them (particularly as the VCR is only three or four years old, the Freeview box months old), but otherwise I’ll just take them to the local charity shops. Or use the FreeCycle mailing lists, where you advertise to your local area what you’re giving away, in the hope that someone will come and take it off your hands. The tip is obviously the very last resort.

These machines are still in working order. Just about. Well, one of the hi-fi tape decks is broken and the other is temperamental. But the speakers, FM radio, amp and turntable all work fine.

The benefit of renting a furnished bedsit is that these improvements are at no cost to me. The detriment, of course, is that I’ve no property to sell, and I’ll be at square one when looking for a new place. If I ever move. I’m not going to be here till the grave, am I. Am I?

So this is as close to ‘moving up’ as I get. Improving the place I’m in already. And hopefully, improving my life too. Which I’m also only renting.