I am stopped outside Archway tube station by a beggar who strongly resembles Karl Howman, star of the 80s sitcom Brush Strokes and several long-running adverts for Flash household cleaning products. If it is Karl Howman, his life has clearly taken a turn for the worse. And he’s now acquired a strong Scottish accent.
‘Excuse me? Excuse me. Hey, Billy Idol! Only joking. You’re better looking than Billy Idol. Nice suit. Can you tell me how to get to Glasgow from here? Only joking. That’s what I do. I tell people jokes for a pound. Okay?’
At this point he has put his face a little too close to mine. And I’m effectively pinned up against the wall of what used to be Abbey National.
‘Well…’
‘No, here we go. A joke for a pound, right? That’s fair, eh? Okay, did you hear the one about the Jewish Santa Claus? You’re not Jewish, are you? I mean, I think if we can’t laugh at ourselves WHO CAN WE LAUGH AT, right? So, okay, did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?’
‘Um… No.’
‘The Jewish Santa Claus comes down the chimney and says to all the kids, “So where’s all the f***king presents, then?” Oh, wait – I messed that last bit up. But anyway, c’mon, that’s worth a pound isn’t it? C’mon.’
Out of sheer terror more than anything else, I hand over the pound. Karl Howman pats me rather too hard on the shoulder and lets me go.
I come away from this encounter with a inexplicable urge to boycott Flash cleaning products.
